Master Cock
music: rem you
Ha! I bet you thought this blog was stillborn already. Burn.
So I think it's about time I begin; I've been back at work a couple of weeks now, so yeah. Yeah!
I'll begin with the story of he who I shall refer to as Master Cock. Why this name? Well, he calls up, and I ask him for his full name, as that's one of the things we do to verify account holders where I work. He says his full name with the prefix Master. Master?!?! Isn't that the title box you ticked all through primary school, because you weren't a Mister, because you weren't all tall and hairy and stuff, but you still wanted to sound important? I wasn't aware it was actually used, by people, referring to THEMSELVES, past the age of, err, 14. Or less.
And why 'cock'? I'm not one to call a person a cock. In fact, I don't think I've called ANYONE a cock, ever. But sometimes there just aren't any other words to describe a person, and in thius case, that was the only word that came to mind. Which is really... saying... something.
Oh yeah. Not only was he a master, but he had a hyphenated name. I bet one day he decides to update his account (and therefore social standing) and calls us to change it to Prince.
So Master Cock rings up for the express purpose of informing the company that "any further correspondence from ******* will be constituted as harassment." ******* is kinda obviously the name of the company I work for. By proxy. I won't bother explaining that part, as it's irrelevant, really.
I take a look at this guy's account, and it seems he rang us in November to set up a payment arrangement - ie, he had an overdue bill, and is paying it off over a number of weeks. He's recently recieved a letter telling him he missed a payment, so therefore the arrangement has been broken, and therefore cancelled, meaning he must pay the remaining overdue balance within seven days; or risk disconnection.
Of course, as most retards who don't pay their accounts*, he disputes he broke the arrangement. In fact, he disputes he ever MADE the arrangement. And it's just a coincedence that for the past two months he's been paying the exact amount per week required of him by the arrangement. Until this payment. Hence the broken arrangement. And of course, he wants to speak to a manager, because they apparently have that magical ability to reverse time. Or break company policy. They're kinda the same thing, sometimes.
So we come to a standstill; I won't give him the 'special treatment' he demands; he won't pay the bill that we demand. I arranged for a senior rep to give him a call, and note his account number so I can follow it up a day or so later; AS YOU DO when someone as ridiculous as this comes along.
I look at the account a couple of days later, and wow. Master Cock has hired a Private Fucking Investigator to investimagate his account. BUT... he won't give the P.F.I authority to access and discuss his account and situation; nor will he himself speak with anyone lower than, um, God, basically.
In our company, God has a name it turns out. But revealing that would be revealing the name of the particular energy company I work for :p
Till next time. Sooner than the last time.
get off my case
* I say don't as opposed to won't, as it's well known that we can send out reminder after a reminder until some poor tree has copped it fully, and people won't pay; but as soon as we call them to tell them we're going to err, cut off their supply, suddenly they have wads of cash just lying around, and the $1000 owing is suddenly and mysteriously paid the next day. It's something Mulder and Scully should look into. Not. People are just stingy.
posted by dan x at 8:16 pm
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